you know: this whole time i thought that my fear of the outside world was my fault. like i was just a coward and had to force myself to do it more. then id feel better. but now im thinking thats all bullshit. all of the symptoms i have are consistent with autism spectrum disorder which ive already been diagnosed with. i thought that if i just tried harder i could fix it. but now i can just accept what i am and stop blaming myself.
fyi: i feel overstimulated outside, like noise and lights feels intense, people talking and laughing its all extremely hard to follow, there's too much happening at once. it puts me on edge like i cant relax. i feel like everyone is looking at me when i go outside. like just extremely panicked the whole time.
if this is all literally because of a brain disorder then why torture myself with this shit. ill never feel any better. ive literally gone to tremendous lengths to avoid never having to interact with the outside world.
#7971
2 weeks ago
#7972
2 weeks ago
yeah, most people don't experience what you experience. normies don't have to work up the courage to go outside, they just feel at place in the world naturally. i suspect it has something to with attachment, if you were isolated as a child, you never built up those trust circuits where you feel at home around people. or maybe it has to do with identity, gradually building an alienated identity where you aren't "normal" so you are afraid of being found out. idk, i've spent my early 20s trying to figure it out by reading psychology and psychotherapy books, none of it helped. it's worse for me now because i got uglier with age so now people do actually treat me badly when i go outside and it's no longer just me being anxious. it also runs in my family, both my dad and uncle had this disease and my uncle died a wizard in his 50s never having worked a day in his life and my dad coped with alcohol a lot. good thing i'll never reproduce, the curse ends with me.
it's okay, the npcs outside are self absorbed into themselves and their opinions dont matter anyway, you are the wizlion and they the normcattle