it's hardest when i can't distract myself and that feeling of doom just burns inside me. i'm such an ugly mentally disabled freak it's not even funny anymore. the only way to keep my mood stable is to just not think about my life at all and daydream about being loved, but i couldn't even look my tulpa in the eyes last night, it was really horrible. but somehow i finally fell asleep and in the morning i felt neutral and empty.